Elena: Grandma, what would you like for me when I get older?
Grandmother: I wanted you to meet a good husband, have a child and live well… We came here from Korea to raise you in this country. I believed that you would become a big leader and do great things because you were born in America.
Elena: My grandmother has always had a special place in my heart. She would mainly be cooking a lot in the house and I would try my best to help her out – prepare dumplings, make different types of sauces, and peel garlic.
Grandmother: You used to follow me around and mimic whatever I was working on. You were so intelligent, even as a child. So smart…and an all-around woman. You were very good with people and that made me very happy. If you were going to be good to a husband one day, that would’ve been really nice. But I don’t think you like guys…so there’s nothing I can do really. I think starting in high school, you started to change from my initial expectations.
Elena: When I first told my mom directly that I had a girlfriend in college, she was really uncomfortable. She didn’t get mad or anything because she thought it was a phase, but she did express that I should hold it back from my father. Surprisingly enough, he knows now and he’s okay with it. I noticed that he changed immediately when I lost one of my best friends a few years back. She was also Korean, and she was queer, and she was dealing with a lot of hardship within her family. My dad came with me to the memorial service. He looked at me and said, “It makes dad really sad to see how your friend died.” He said that it really terrified him, and that he couldn’t fathom ever losing me because I was his daughter no matter what.
Grandmother: In the beginning I thought it was very strange. But even if you have a girlfriend, I would want her to have a good background. Someone who is educated and works hard in society. Someone who is healthy, both physically and mentally. If you date someone like that, that should be okay. If you are happy then Grandma will have to accept…because it is your freedom.
Elena: She recently met my girlfriend Jamie over Christmas. Jamie brought her some gifts, and of course Grandma liked that a lot.
“Hello? How are you? How are you?” (Grandma on phone with Jamie)
Grandmother: I think if you date someone like her, it will be okay. She’s very bright, even though she is American. She’s got a good personality. If it’s someone like her, that will be okay. I love you. Of course, I love you. I really want to see you do well…and then I can go to Heaven.