our portraits, our families – mashuq deen

Mashuq Deen
w/ Elizabeth Clark – partner, Marilyn Clark – mother-in-law, Mark Clark – father-in-law

Images by Alexis Lim

My name is Mashuq Mushtaq Deen. I am a queer, transgender man of South Indian descent.

I came out of the proverbial closet twice in my life, the first time as a bisexual butch when I was 19, and then as a transgender man when I was about 30. The hardest part of coming out has been my family. I have been uninvited to family celebrations because of the fear that people would see me and talk. I have been asked to leave the house before guests arrive. My parents have, on two separate occasions, not spoken to me for two years. They did not come to my wedding.

And yet there have also been good times. My parents ask about my partner, Elizabeth, who I have been with for over fourteen years. They genuinely like her. We are once again talking – mostly on the phone. Not often, but regularly. They tell me about canasta and tennis and advise me on retirement accounts. I still love to hear my mother in a good mood. They’re getting older and I know I have a limited amount of time left with them.

My partner’s family is not a replacement for my own family. They speak differently (all families have their own secret language). But they accept me at all times, are proud of me, and love me. I am grateful to have them.

It never lessens the loss I feel around my own family. I know they didn’t mean to hurt me, but it hurt nonetheless. I don’t come from a family that talks about things, so nothing has ever been resolved. We just muddle past the hard bits and into the next bits and hope for the best

I don’t come from a family that talks about things, so nothing has ever been resolved. We just muddle past the hard bits and into the next bits and hope for the best.

Through the photographer’s eyes

When we visited Deen’s first home in Canarsie, the cool weather matched the reception he faced upon coming out to his family. Their struggle with his identity has been captured in his work as a playwright. On a recent weekend, his partner Liz’s parents were visiting. I was privileged to observe the ease of their familial love in their laughter and understanding.