Dennis & Carolyn

DENNIS:  My name is Dennis.  I’m the son of immigrants.  Chinese-American.  And I identify as gay.

CAROLYN: Hi.  I’m Carolyn and I’m Dennis’s sister.

DENNIS:  I always knew that I was gay.  Even when I was a child you just know that something is different.

CAROLYN:  I love him the way he is no matter what that is.  And I accept him 100% fully.  From the day you started playing with my Barbie dolls and my My Little Ponies.  And you let me do your hair.  And you’re like 3.  You know, he’s my brother.

DENNIS:  It’s hardest to come out to the people that you’ve known the longest because I feel like… it just is.  I don’t know why.  it was easier to come out to people in college and people that I just met but since we knew each other for this long, I felt bad for keeping this secret.

CAROLYN:  When he first came out to me, it was like it was meant to be.  It just reaffirmed something deep inside that I knew about him.  And I was so glad.  I was 100% supportive and just wish that he had come to me sooner.

DENNIS:  I don’t think coming out is a single event.  I think coming out happens all the time.  There are new things that Carolyn learns about me everyday; there are new things I learn about Carolyn everyday too.  Some of the things she learns about me sometimes are connected to my sexuality; sometimes they’re not.

CAROLYN:  You’ve been so into “gay rights” that it’s become my passion too.  And if you haven’t been behind the whole social movement behind it, I wouldn’t have known about some of the issues that the gay community is facing.

DENNIS:  With my mother, I know I am personally going deeper into conversations, letting her know a little bit more, gradually and gradually.  I think the bottom line is that my mom has made it very clear that she loves me and that’s all I need.

DENNIS:  This is my high school graduation.  This is 2002.  This is my sister, my mom, and my dad.  And I just thought it was a really good picture of us.  All of us look really good.

DENNIS:  My experience of race in high school and middle school on top of being gay and being feminine and flamboyant… you know, I was a happy kid as you saw.

CAROLYN:  Yeah yeah all the time.

DENNIS:  Yeah, all the time.  And I really felt like… I mean I still am, but it took me while to get that back cause in middle school and high school it was really crushing.

CAROLYN:  I would’ve gotten involved, because no one messes with you.

DENNIS:  I think that being Asian Pacific Islander and gay at the same time poses challenges.  It’s one thing to be otherized because I’m Asian but on top of that I’m also dealing with my sexuality too.

DENNIS:  I’m lucky.  My mom knows.  And even if I told my dad, I’m very confident that they wouldn’t kick me out; they wouldn’t disown me; they wouldn’t take away all my finances, or whatever.  I’m very confident that they wouldn’t do that.

CAROLYN:  If your sister or brother is gay, don’t be scared.  And don’t react.  Because once you show that reaction then it just creates more of a division.  And you know, just listen.  Listen to your sister or brother.  Listen to what they have to say.  And try to accept them without any judgment.

DENNIS:我的名字是丹尼斯。我是一位移民者的兒子。華裔美籍。我是同性戀。

CAROLYN:你好。我是卡羅琳,我是丹尼斯的姐姐。

DENNIS:我一直都知道我是同性戀。當我還是一個孩子的時候,你就知道這感覺是與眾不同的。

CAROLYN:我愛他的方式,是我不管他如何不同。我百分之百的完全接受他。之日起,從你開始玩我的芭比娃娃和我的小馬駒,你讓我做你的頭髮。你當時大約三歲吧。你明白的,他是我的弟弟。

DENNIS:親人是最難坦承出櫃的人,也許是因為認識的時間最長,反正我覺得它就是最難。我不知道為什麼。對我剛剛認識的人比較容易出櫃。但因為我們認識彼此這麼久。。。我覺得對大學的人和其他人不好保持這個秘密。

CAROLYN:當他第一次告訴我,我覺得就像是命中註定的。它只是重申了內心深處,我所知道的他。我很高興。我是百分之百的支持,只是希望他更早一點到我這裡來。

DENNIS:我覺得出櫃發生的時間不是一件單一的事件 。我認為我們隨時都在出櫃。卡羅琳每天都在學習著關於我的新的體驗,而我也每天學習著關於卡羅琳的新的體驗。她所知悉的我的一些事情,有時會和我的性向有關,有時無關。

CAROLYN:你變的非常積極活躍於“同性戀權利”的社會運動,而它也已經成為我的激情。如果你沒有被它背後的社會運動所推動,我也不會知道同性戀群體正面臨的一些問題。

DENNIS:至於我的母親,我知道我得親自去和她深談,讓她逐漸逐漸的,知道多一點關於我是同性戀的事實 。我覺得底線是,我的媽媽已經說得很清楚,她愛我,而這就是我所需要的。

DENNIS:這是我的高中畢業照。這是2002年。這是我的姐姐,我的媽媽,我的爸爸。我只是在想這是一張很棒的照片。我們都看起來真的挺好看。

DENNIS:在我的經驗裡,在高中和初中學校時,交錯掙扎於種族,性向和女性化表態之間……你知道的,正如你所看到的,我曾經是一個快樂的孩子 。

CAROLYN:是啊, 是啊, 一直都是。

DENNIS:是啊,一直都是。我真的感覺就像……我的意思是,我還是我,但我花了一段時間來找回快樂與自在,在初中和高中的早期,我真的感到十分的壓迫。

CAROLYN:若我知道的話我一定會參與,因為我不會讓任何人欺負你。

DENNIS:我認為同時身為亞洲太平洋島民和同性戀具有相當的挑戰。若是因為我是亞洲人被另眼相看是一回事,但在這層面之上,我還要面對我的性向所帶來的挑戰。

DENNIS:我算是很幸運的。我的媽媽知道。即使是我告訴了我爸爸,我也非常有信心他們不會趕出去,他們不會不認我,他們不會斷絕我所有的經濟來源,或其他生活必需。我很有信心,他們不會那麼做的。

CAROLYN:如果你的兄弟姊妹是同性戀,不要害怕。也不要過度反應。因為一旦你反應過度, 那麼它只是創造了更深的隔閡。 只要用心去聽。好好的聽聽你的兄弟姊妹,聽他們想說些什麼。也請試著用不具評判性的態度來接受他們。