On The Road To Acceptance:  Deanna

 

APP_Reception-Deanna

I had considered myself as a very lucky person in being very close to my son and communicated with him well.  I had thought I understood him and there was nothing that we could not talk about.  And yet I found out later that there was actually something he refrained from talking with me for a long time in his growing up.  There was in the depth of his heart an unexplainable puzzle on his sexual identity.  He was always the top students of his class and was well read.  I imagine that from books, newspaper and media, he must have encountered knowledge of similar experience by other people as him, but he was not free to ask his parents about it.  That was around the 1980s.  He was miserable and perplexed.  When he first left home for college, he often called home to express his desires to come home.  My husband and I thought he was home sick and thus advised him to persevere and that it would be better over time.  Being Catholics, we even asked him to go to church and pray, not knowing what he puzzled over was what the church was against, namely homosexuality.  This frustrated him even more because he felt the church was alienating a devoted Christian.  Ever since he was young, he had a calling to serve God.  I thought had he gone to Catholic schools, he probably would have been a priest.  All the difficulties he encountered did delay his pursuit of serving in churches.  Nevertheless, he deeply loved God.

After college, he studied law to understand the principles and practices of law.  When he graduated with a law degree, he worked in law firms that concentrated on services to needs of the society.  He attained very high positions wherever he worked at, but his heart had always been on theology studies.  After consultation with his long time partner, he decided to do part time work and part time study to finish his PhD degree in theology.  This took him ten years.  His goal was to research the Bible and discover God loves all people on earth and does not despise anyone.  Through this, he has helped people in the gay (LGBT) community to go to church to be close to God.  He wrote books, performed sermons so that this community can find support and consolation in faith.

As a mother, I am very supportive of him.  I do my best to watch, listen and read to gain common sense on homosexuality. Although living in US, I am not proficient in English,  but I still  make an effort to gain new knowledge pertaining to sexuality and try to react better to situation that I myself do not fully understand.  It has not been easy.  But for my beloved son, the most important thing for me is to be able to support him with warmth and love.

In the last 30 years, I have seen the American society has changed to accept the behavior and outcry from the gay communities.    For this I am most grateful.  The people in these communities, ever since adolescence, have endured ridicules and insult  by peers.  When they are with adults, they escaped certain topics of conversation.  They felted alienated in the society, and remained silent in work environment.  It takes so much courage for them to survive the adversity.  The lucky ones were successful in their careers and achieved financial stability.  Yet, others did not even get the support of their family or long-term partners and lived a very lonesome live until old age.  How sad this is!  Because of this, my husband and I have supported the marriage of gay couples.  We celebrated the holy union of my son and his partner in year 2000.  They have been together for 20 years now.  With their own family, they can support and love each other and pursuit their interests with a purpose of life.  Many members of the LGBT communities live a lonely life without purpose.  It is easy for them to get lost and stray into bad situations.  This certainly invites criticisms to their life styles.

Many parents refuse to accept the sexual identities of  their children in the LGBT communities.  They severed their relationship with them.  If they change their mind and sympathize with them, then their children will have support and not be lonely.  In this world, we are all equal.  We are all children of God.  Let us help our children to have a good life regardless of their sexual orientation.  This is my hope.  I cannot believe that some parents, due to their cultural, race and lack of guidance, refuse to accept the fact their child is gay.  I pray that, after many years of separation, and longing for each others embraces, they will open their hearts to receive their child back again.  This is just a matter of acceptance.  Once you accept it, you can adjust to it completely.

When I first learned that my son is gay, it was a big shock.  Gradually, I learned and slowly I accept it.  Now I am even a volunteer to advocate for the societal equality for the LGBT community.  I promote love and respect towards all.  This has been a long journey for me.  It certainly has been slow and difficult.  (But it is worthy of my life)ies of  their children in the LGBT communities.  They severed their relationship with them.  If they change their mind and sympathize with them, then their children will have support and not be lonely.  In this world, we are all equal.  We are all children of God.  Let us help our children to have a good life regardless of their sexual orientation.  This is my hope.  I cannot believe that some parents, due to their cultural, race and lack of guidance, refuse to accept the fact their child is gay.  I pray that, after many years of separation, and longing for each others embraces, they will open their hearts to receive their child back again.  This is just a matter of acceptance.  Once you accept it, you can adjust to it completely.

Every June is proclaimed to be a LGBT’s pride and respect month in the US.  Let’s all support this worthy effort and the community!

我自認應算幸運的一位,與孩子從小感情接近, 無所不談, 所以我以為我很了解我自己的兒子.  那裡知道在他心中深處有一不能解說的疑問: 他從小名列前茅, 所以他一定在書本,報章及傳播中聽到許多新聞及自己感覺到的相同情形, 又不能與雙親啟口或發問 (那是八零年代) 非常苦腦.  從高中畢業后首次離家上大學, 經常打電話回家要回來, 我們總是勸說: 過一陣子就會慣, (我以為他思家) 或勸他去教堂祈禱. (我們是天主教) 誰知道道當時教會是最強力反而對同時性戀的舉動, 反而給他更多的困擾, 更加迷罔, 做為一個虔誠的教友也會令教會反對.  他自小就有一種神召的感受, 如果他進入天主教學校長大, 可能已去做神職了.  經過一層層的阻撓, 拖延了他走向做神職的意願.  但他心中還是深深愛天主.

大學畢業後他進入法學院深造, 了解, 學習, 法制國家的宗旨.  畢業後, 他做的法律事物都在溫和的協助社會, 一直做到很高的地位.  但他心中還是念念不忘神學.  當時與他伴侶商考多年後終於決定去神學院半功半讀十年, 完成愽士學位.  他要研究從聖經中理解上天愛世人決不會遺棄任何世人, 他幫助同性戀人進入教堂與主接近, 他寫書, 講道, 演講, 讓同志們對信仰有種寄托.  我做母親的非常支持他, 盡量學習, 聽, 看有關同性戀的常識, 在美國我英程度不夠好, 還要了解一些我從來未想到的新學問, 似懂非懂的應對, 真不容易.  但是我為了愛我心愛的兒子, 給他溫暖 – 這是很重要的事.

三十年來看到社會慢慢的改變及能接受這些同性戀者舉止及心聲, 我們深深的感恩.  這些孩子從發育期起, 在學校被同學戲弄, 恥笑.  大人談話中在旁的他們儘量逃避, 在不能擠進的社會中感到被遺棄, 在工作環境裏保持伔默.  全要靠這些年青人員自己奮鬥活下去.  要好的人就盡量格外努力, 出人頭地, 穩固經濟, 踏上高地位, 但沒有一個 “家” 孤單的過到老是多麼可憐啊!  所以我和外子同意讚成同性戀結婚.  我們在二千年就支持兒子與愛侶在教堂結合.  他們互相依靠 (今年在一起己二十年了) 有了家, 互相尊重, 愛護, 不會在外自暴自棄.  有些孤単獨自過下去的LGBT們實在太累了, 容易走上岐途, 才會被人看不起, 很多父毋拒絕接受他們的性向, 遺棄兒女, 如果能夠回心轉意同情他們, 他們心有寄托就不會變得很孤單痛苦.  大家都是平等的人, 都是上天的兒女, 讓他們也能過一個美好的人生吧!  -  這是我的願望.  我不能想像有些孩子的父母基於文化, 種族背景及缺乏開導而不接受孩子是Gay的事實.  我祈求他們經過去多年牽掛失去的親子女情而能回心轉意接他們回來. 這是觀念的區別, 一但接受就完全能適應.

自從我剛知道我兒是同性戀時, 真如晴天霹靂.  慢慢學習, 認識, 我漸漸地接受, 支持他們, 到現在還自願的為社會對同性戀者平等對待而呼籲, 提倡愛護他們, 尊敬意他們.  這是一條長路, 慢慢走過來的, 真是很埾難. 每年六月是LGBT 的豪, 自尊月. 讓我們提倡支持他們吧!